Funny blurb or serious blurb?
No one has said anything about my story blurbs yet, so when I saw this comment on my IG page, I was very excited. I thought nobody reads the blurbs.
Someone said: “The blurb for GOOD GIRL, BAD COPS sounds like it was written by Joe Orton and Kenneth Halliwell in their library book vandalism days. A major influence, perhaps?”
No, just of like minds!
For those who don’t know, Joe Orton (who was greatly acclaimed for his dark comedy plays) and his partner, Kenneth Halliwell, removed books from some public libraries and modified the cover art and the blurbs and then put them back. What a crazy idea! I wish I had been this creative in my crazy days when the worst I did was deface dorm doors with dadaist poetry.
I couldn’t actually find many of these scandalous blurbs – apparently they have stolen 72 library books – but I found the blurb they wrote for one of Dorothy Sayers’ books:
“When little Betty Mcdree says she has been interfered with, her mother at first laughs. It is only something the kiddy has picked up off the television. But when, on sorting through the laundry, Mrs. Mcdree discovers that a new pair of young Betty’s new knickers are missing she thinks again. On being questioned Betty bursts into tears. Mrs. Mcdree takes her to the police station and to everyone’s surprise the little girl identifies P. C. Brenda Coolidge as her attacker. Brenda, a new recruit, denies the charge. A search is made of the Women’s Police Barracks. What is found there is a seven inch phallus and a pair of knickers of the kind used by Betty. All looks black for kindly P.C. Coolidge…What can she do?
This is one of the most enthralling stories ever written by Ms. Sayers. It is the only one in which the murder weapon is concealed, not for reasons of fear but for the sake of decency.”
It’s simply hilarious! It’s very close to mine, I have to admit.
Here’s my blurb for “Bad Girl, Good Cops”:
“When nubile Chloe is caught shoplifting thongs because of a harsh society that dictates that she must cover her hot little body, she suddenly finds herself in positions she never imagined she’d be in, i.e. sandwiched between two virile police officers, who are bound to teach her right from wrong using the tools nature endowed them with.
Crime and punishment has never been so throbbingly stiff, or gone on for so long and so hard.
Chloe discovers that when you do the crime, you must be done in every way possible.
WARNING: ‘Bad Girl, Good Cops’ is intended for a mature audience and in no way should be seen as approving of shoplifting. If you desperately need a thong, please, please, buy the thong. But this story should be seen as approving of consenting adults pleasuring each other in as many ways as they find possible, again, and again, and again.”
If I had taken myself seriously and written a serious blurb, it would have sounded like this:
“Cloe is caught stealing underwear, and when the store manager calls the police, two officers arrive and take her away. See what happens when instead of taking her to the police station, they take her into an alley.”
It’s good I didn’t take myself too seriously because this sounds like it should be a murder mystery.
No, I don’t take myself too seriously when I write erotica blurbs. Erotica blurbs should be funny, and yes, my earlier ones are totally ridiculous for a particular reason. I first self-published my erotica on Amazon, and well…for that kind of fiction to be noticed on Amazon, you have to use pertinent words. You should have seen how this blurb sounded originally. Suffice it to say, it was very graphic.
The blurbs of my very first stories are very much tongue-in-cheek. I want people to laugh, and then leave satisfied. I don’t think anyone reads erotica to improve their erudition but rather their mood.
For serious reads, see Twitter.