Rump or not?
RUMP has been on my mind lately. The word, I mean. When I say it has been on my mind, I mean in a technical sense, since in my capacity as an erotic scribbler I have to think about it a lot, though I’ve been known to think a lot about butts in my everyday life.
Quick aside. My mother, who was quite a connoisseur of butts – and probably still thinks she is – would often regale me with this warning:
“You’ll get a flat butt from having too much sex on your back.”
She began giving me this warning when I was ten, or eleven, and I don’t know if she was trying to keep me from having sex in general, or just from having sex on my back. One thing is certain: it made me think about butts. I watched them at school – yes, when you went to the front of the class and wondered if anyone was staring at your butt; well, I was, at least.
So yes, I’ve thought about butts quite a lot and for quite some time, but I’ve never thought about them as RUMPS, and I’m not sure how I feel about the term.
RUMPS, RUMPS, RUMPS. I’m saying it now to see how it feels on my tongue, so to speak.
I’ll admit I say BUTT a lot. My fella must like it, because I’m always pointing them out.
“Look at that girl’s butt,” I say. “It’s so round.”
“It’s ok,” he says, diplomatically.
You might say I like butts, technically speaking and verbally speaking. BUTTS. Sounds nice. Not rude at all. I don’t like ‘ass’. Such a pejorative-sounding term, more appropriately used as an insult.
“You’re an ass.”
And then there are all the other synonyms.
Who says BUTTOCKS?
How about BACKSIDE, or BEHIND? These are more for direction than a body part assignation.
“Where’s the shovel?”
“On the backside of the shed, behind the rake.”
Oh, BOTTOM goes there, too.
“On the bottom of the pile of tools, Chuck.”
But I must admit, I like BOTTOM. It’s a nice-sounding word and feels good in your mouth when you say it, like sucking on hard candy.
“Allow me to say what a nice bottom you have, miss.”
BUM is of British provenance. Using it makes me feel fake, like Madonna and her affectation. She doesn’t still do that, does she? I like Madonna. She has a nice butt, and really nice back, but don’t get me started on backs.
DERRIERE is nice, because it’s French and the French have a way with words. I feel period when I say it, not my monthly, and not like Jane Austen, but like Mae West.
“Come up and see my derriere sometime, big boy.”
TUSH and TUSHIE are nice for little butts.
“Look at the cute little tushie.”
FANNY is for my granny. She would always talk about how my fanny was hanging out.
That’s another thing about my mother, god love her. She would hem my skirts up so my panties showed when I was little. She thought it was cute that everyone could see my butt. I had a wonderful childhood, and it’s probably the reason I’m thinking about rumps so much.
KEISTER would be great to use if I wrote poetry. It rhymes with Easter. The possibilities for that are endless.
REAR is, I don’t know, no good.
TAIL is what the boys in my high school talked about.
“We’re going to get some tail, har, har.”
That’s my boy talk.
GLUTEUS maximus is from ‘Gladiator’.
“My name is Gluteus Maximus, father of a murdered wife…”
There are just so many ways to say it: bootie, donk-a-donk, patootie, caboose, arse, culo, duff, salt shaker…
I could go on and on, but that doesn’t help me with RUMP.
Someone help me. Is rump all right? Can I use it in a story, or in mixed company?
I just don’t know.