Spreading the word about my “Treasure Hunt” with Dorian Gray
Anyway, it’s worth a try. I have nothing to lose, except my life, but forget I mentioned it. That’s morbid.
So I’m visiting DORIAN GRAY for tea and cucumber sandwiches. He’s affable enough, or at least he was before that affair with the painting.
ME: Hey Dorian, how are you, man? You look so…handsome. You know I have a “Treasure Hunt” going on right now. Why don’t you join in? You can win one of my stories. It makes for a very exciting read.
DG: I only read one book.
ME: Oh yeah, I forgot you’re obsessed with that book Lord Henry gave you. Is it good?
DG: It changed my life. You should read it.
ME: No, thanks. I don’t want to end up like you. Hey, listen. Why don’t you have a Treasure Hunt? You could offer that painting of yours. People would go crazy to have it. Where do you keep it by the way?
DG: Don’t speak of it!
ME: Oh, ok. What’s behind that locked door?
DG: I think you should leave now.
ME: Is that where you keep the painting?
DG: Get out!!
He looks mad now.
I get up to leave, but I realize that he will strike from behind if I turn my back on him, so I decide to walk backwards to the door. No gentleman would strike a lady while she’s looking him in the eyes. I hope. 😰
Whew!! I made it out the door safely. Well…that didn’t work.
The winner of the “Treasure Hunt” will get this book! Autographed, of course.
I think I’ll try Dracula next. He’s widely popular, he could make me famous, if I manage to convince him to advertise for me.
I knock at his castle’s door.
ME: Count Dracula?
DRACULA: (motioning me in) I bid you welcome. Come freely and leave something of the happiness you bring.
ME: (about to burst in laughter) What?
DRACULA: You will need, after your long journey, to refresh yourself by making your toilet.
ME: What? No, no, I’m a writer. For that kind of thing you hire a contractor.
DRACULA: I pray you be seated and have some chicken.
ME: No, thanks. I’m a vegetarian.
DRACULA: A cigar, perhaps.
ME: Goodness, no. I don’t want to get lung cancer.
DRACULA: You must try the Tokay.
ME: What’s that? Wine? Are you trying to get me drunk?
(I hear the howling of wolves)
DRACULA: Listen to them, the children of the night! What music they make!
ME: Yeah, right. I prefer Beethoven.
DRACULA: Oh, you dwellers of the city, you cannot enter into the feeling of the hunter.
ME: If you’re such a great hunter, why don’t you join my Treasure Hunt? When people hear you’re supporting me, it will boost my credibility.
DRACULA: You shall rest here with me for a while.
ME: Are you crazy? I’m married.
DRACULA: My ways are not your ways.
ME: Look, I don’t fall for cheap tricks.
DRACULA: Write to your spouse that you will stay with me for a month. I take no refusal.
ME: I was wrong to come. If I let you in my hunt, you’ll eat my other contestants.
DRACULA: You cannot leave here. You have no crucifix.
ME: I don’t need a crucifix. I have brains. Hear that cock crow? I thought I’d time it just right in case you’re not trustworthy. Better luck next time, count!
Ok, so looking for people to do the advertising for me isn’t working too well. But I’m not discouraged. It’s only a matter of finding the right famous person.