The carrot is the most beautiful (a vegetable’s opinion)

by | May 12, 2017 | Let's laugh!, Short stories and essays | 0 comments

A note before reading: Don’t interrupt the carrot’s monologue! This is a carrot that’s totally off his greens. It’s known to explode in fits of rage, which is more of a beetroot idiosyncrasy.

Who says I’m not the greatest? I may be beta because of my carotene, but I’m better than any alpha.

Who calls me brainless? I don’t need a brain to be a vegetable.

Who says I’m not the most beautiful orange? An orange is not the most beautiful orange unless it’s a carrot.

Who scoffs at my greens? You won’t when I’ll give you the blues.

Who says I’m not as sweet as a peach? A peach isn’t as sweet as a peach should be to be called a peach. But I’m the sweetest peach that ever was a carrot.

Who says I’m not as shapely as a cucumber to make a good entrance? I’m the perfect shape to make an asshole entrance.

See you,