MISTY NEWS! Groper Declares Himself the Real Victim of Social Distancing
Archie Dixon, a longtime groper and public transportation enthusiast, lamented that the recent precautions against Covid-19 are ruining his life.
“I’m not one of those crazy virus deniers,” Mr. Dixon insisted. “I understand that everyone needs to take precautions. I’m just saying that life has to return to normal at some point.” He added, “Do you know how hard it is to grab a woman’s butt when you have to stand six feet away? This is killing me.”
Mr. Dixon went on to say:
“People like me are the invisible victims of this deadly virus. I mean, we finally got one of our own in the White House. Things were looking up for us. We even had a slogan, ‘Grab them by the pussy’, and then, this happens.”
Stay tuned for more MISTY NEWS, inspired by Covid-19 life, and brought to you by Misty’s Hair who’s a great reporter, always cognitively there.
DISCLAIMER: This is not real news, obviously, just satire, which means it’s only true up to some point, so don’t start pulling MISTY’S HAIR. Thanks!
See you,
Misty
Archie Dixon, a longtime groper and public transportation enthusiast, lamented that the recent precautions against Covid-19 are ruining his life.
“I’m not one of those crazy virus deniers,” Mr. Dixon insisted. “I understand that everyone needs to take precautions. I’m just saying that life has to return to normal at some point.” He added, “Do you know how hard it is to grab a woman’s butt when you have to stand six feet away? This is killing me.”
Mr. Dixon went on to say:
“People like me are the invisible victims of this deadly virus. I mean, we finally got one of our own in the White House. Things were looking up for us. We even had a slogan, ‘Grab them by the pussy’, and then, this happens.”
Stay tuned for more MISTY NEWS, inspired by Covid-19 life, and brought to you by Misty’s Hair who’s a great reporter, always cognitively there.
DISCLAIMER: This is not real news, obviously, just satire, which means it’s only true up to some point, so don’t start pulling MISTY’S HAIR. Thanks!
See you,
Misty
