ME meets ME FROM THE PAST
Someone asked me: “If you can make a 40 second phone call to yourself at any point in life, present or future, what would you say?”
This sounds like a very personal question.
So, ME is calling ME FROM THE PAST aka PAST ME.
ME: Hi. I’m you from the future.
PAST ME: Hi. If you’re me, then you know I don’t believe you.
ME: Oh, right. I forgot. You like to do prank calls, so now you think I’m someone pranking you back.
PAST ME: I’m not thinking. I’m reading.
ME: Let me guess. ‘The Stranger’?
PAST ME: ‘Crime and Punishment’.
ME: Is that what I was reading at 18? Read Douglas Adams.
PAST ME: I don’t read pulp fiction.
PAST ME: How are time travel phone charges? Expensive?
ME: No, but I only have 40 seconds. Be quiet and listen. I think you’re doing a great job at being young me, so whatever you do, keep doing it. Study hard, it will be useful later. Oh, pay attention to those comparative literature classes and stop mooning over that young teacher like a schoolgirl.
PAST ME: But I am a schoolgirl.
ME: Great, but I really want to remember what he was saying. Oh, and if this helps motivating you, you should know that you do become a writer. An erotica writer.
PAST ME: Haha. That just won’t happen. That’s not what I want to write. And besides, I know nothing about erotica.
ME: Didn’t you read Marquis De Sade?
PAST ME: For a class.
ME: Oh, well, it left a mark. Oh, and you’re also married.
PAST ME: That’s the kind of thing a prank caller would say. If you were me, you’d know I don’t give a dime about getting married.
ME: Whatever. Oh, and those jeans you’re wearing right now? Don’t give them away. I want them. Even if you’re 20 pounds lighter than me, I want to see if I can fit in them.
PAST ME: I put on weight?
ME: After 30. You will start eating better once you’re married. Your husband is a great cook.
PAST ME: What do you mean after 30? I live that long?
ME: Ups…time travel minutes out. KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK! (end of call)
PAST ME: Wow…what a load of crap! (Lighting a cigarette, taking a puff and choking.) I really don’t see why everyone likes to smoke. Yack! (throwing away cigarette.)